The Road to Satisfaction

It was my first Best Buddies meeting today. I was honestly really excited to see what kind of activities the club did. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, let me explain: Best Buddies is a club where students help and build friendships with students who have intellectual disabilities. These people are often outcasted and misunderstood, so it’s the job of Best Buddies to show them they have a friend!
At the meeting I ended up talking to one of the buddies named Jacob. I had always seen Jacob everywhere around school and he always made me happy just looking at him. Smile on his face, walking like nothing even matters; he is the epitome of a happy person. Despite his disability, he lives on, with a smile. I got to know him well: his birthday is July 20th, favorite basketball team is the Lakers and Clippers, favorite baseball team is the Angels, and he also believes he doesn’t have the ability to draw! After talking to him at lunch, I felt so HAPPY! Seeing his face light up the moment he realized I was taking interest in him was priceless.

I’m extremely excited for the days to come. I signed up to be a Peer Buddy and my interview is Friday. (Peer Buddy: a Best Buddies member that is paired up with one buddy to develop a yearlong friendship with them). Wish me luck! (:

Today turned out like nothing I expected. I woke up this morning and began working on SAT and homework for Monday. About midday, my mom and I decided to go see the movie The Perks of Being A Wallflower. So excited to finally see my favorite book come to life, I only expected the best. As the movie progressed, I realized I forgot much of the details in the book and the memory began flooding back to me: I directly related to the character.
The dialogue that he said, the mean things that people said to him, his birthday; all the same. I began to get emotional. I felt as if I was watching myself on the screen deal with the different situations.
One point in the movie, one of his friends said the quote “stop calling everyone Charlie, you’re making a fool out of yourself” and at that moment, the memory of last year came rushing back.

Sitting on the floor, calling each and every one of them, asking what I did wrong and getting nothing but cruel remarks and cold shoulders.
By then end of the movie, I had a complete breakdown. I couldn’t control what I did, everything just happened. Once I calmed down, my mother helped me realize that just like Charlie, I will get better.

A couple hours later, sitting down, watching the Katy Perry movie, I realized that I wanted to be like her.
Strong, passionate, caring, and happy.

I aspire to inspire.

Two weeks. Two weeks until my SAT. I NEED that good score.
So today was about studying, and writing. I found an app on the iPhone for SAT Vocabulary Flash Cards and began studying those. I learned about 20 words! WOO!

I also worked a lot on my personal statement for college. It’s quite a difficult task, and its beginning to stress me out. IT HAS TO BE PERFECT.
At least I’m halfway done.
So I’m pretty proud of myself today, I actually did things that were useful!

It’s Wednesday. Hump day. Today literally felt like a “whatever” day. I didn’t get anything done today, I was lazy, and I honestly felt a little down today.

I think I’ve been pulling away from everyone lately. Thinking about it now, I realize, I’m starting to develop a very low tolerance for rude and immature people. It’s definitely not a good thing because I should be able to accept everyone, but lately, I’ve been feeling….hurt.
I have to keep my head up, or else this will be the downfall of my entire goal.

Lord help me.

Yesterday was my Senior Homecoming. I have to say that if it wasn’t for my boyfriend and my little brother, I wouldn’t have had the outlook that I do.
I went with only a few friends to Homecoming and we drove two cars. We decided to meet at the high school to take pictures and distribute into our rides. While everyone seemed excited, something seemed off….the girls. I may be making a hasty assumption, but I almost felt a little left out. The girls were sharing inside jokes that they made the night before at a sleepover I couldn’t attend (which I understand; I knew I would get those references) and whispering to each other while excluding me from the loop. Of course my first reaction is to be angry, mostly because I’ve had to deal with these situations all my high school career: not fitting in with the girls.
Dinner was as followed: the three girls gossiping on one end of the table, and at the other end, me and the boys. Now, when I say girls, I don’t necessarily mean I felt completely excluded by all of them (one of the girls tried to include me) but I felt it mostly from one; that one hurt the most.
The dance was wonderful, great venue and good company. My boyfriend, bless his soul, did every thing he could to make my last Homecoming the best. My baby brother, who attended his first homecoming, was announced as Freshman Homecoming Prince. Words could not describe how much it meant to me to see that smile on his face. That was also the moment I realized his baby years were gone. No more cars and farts, now it’s football and girls. Scary but true.

Closing off this post by thanking God for blessing me with a wonderful brother and a loving and caring boyfriend. My two main boys that play huge roles in my life.

Today was quite a busy day. Had the Homecoming court intro assembly at lunch today (it’s where they announce the court of each class) and unfortunately, I didn’t make court for Homecoming Queen, BUT, my little brother did! I’m so proud and excited for him!
It doesn’t matter to me if I didn’t make it in the top 6, at least I made it to the top 15 out of 800 kids! (:

I made top15 of my school for homecoming queen, which is a HUGE honor. Super grateful that I even get to say I made top 15! (:

Yesterday, I spent the day in Pasadena with my boyfriend eating a wonderful lunch and getting a tour of his new college. It’s quite beautiful out in Pasadena, I wish I lived there.
After that I went to my aunts house to celebrate my Grandmas birthday! Great food, and finally getting to see my family. It was a good day yesterday.
Day 6:
Today started off with a good run at 8:00 this morning.
Practice was okay today, a little hard and not to mention I had horrible cramps and headaches.
My moods are out of control at the moment considering I’m on my period (I suffer from really bad PMS) so I pretty much brutally lashed out on my family when I got home.
Thinking about it now, I shouldnt have been so disrespectful to them. It’s not fair.

Btw, mother if you’re reading this, welcome to my positive diary. It’s something I haven’t told you about, but it’s my way of saying I’m trying.

Waking up this morning was quite a tough task considering I didn’t get much sleep the night before. However, my morning greeted me with a warm bowl of oatmeal made by my wonderful mother.

The test that I believed would completely destroy my grade turned out to be extremely easy. Thank goodness I studied the night before. The rest of my day was routine and nothing too exciting occurred. I did, for some reason, have the urge to talk to others that I wouldn’t normally talk to anymore. I ended up feeling pretty good after having nice discussions with each and every one of those people.

Mother took me shopping for heels after school. I didn’t just find one pair BUT TWO. I have to be the luckies girl in the world if my mother is okay with buying me TWO pairs of pricey shoes. I am definitely going to be ready for homecoming. Thank you God and the universe for blessing me with such a giving mom.

The day started off very cheery. Woke up, drove to school, and talked with the one boy I thought I would never have a conversation with again. Dance was extremely productive; I’ve decided to jump out of my comfort zone and actually choreograph my own piece.
As the day rolled on, things seemed to get brighter and brighter.

I also received a surprise visit from my boyfriend who is now in college. Even though he created a riff in my schedule, it was nice of him to stop by to say hi.
He’s my happiness for the day.